At the urging of her son and Appointed Successor, Tik, our Dear Leader recently took up golf. “With the immense burdens of her leadership, many of us in the family and top leadership felt that she needed a break,” Dear Tik observed. And, not surprisingly, she played like an old pro. “It was just amazing, her first time out and she hit eight holes-in-one and two-shot everything else,” said Dear Tik—once known at prep school as “Woody”—admiringly of his Mother, Dear Leader.
But then, why should we be surprised by the inspired perfection of Dear Leader’s first try at golf? Bolstered by the serenity and power of SCADentology, the science that she discovered and perfected many years ago, just about anything is possible for her. Old timers at SCAD recall fondly how Dear Leader single-handedly saved our beloved school from bankruptcy twenty years ago when she sacrificed an entire fall of Sundays to serve as starting quarterback for the Miami Dolphins.
“She not only won the Super Bowl for them, but she also brought home her $40 million salary to keep SCAD alive,” recalls The Mad Turk, SCAD’s Chief Financial Officer, who was only just a star-struck boy then. Even Dear Leader’s security team was amazed by Dear Leader’s prowess on the course. “She hit balls so far that we barely had time to get an advance team forward to set up parking cones for her golf cart,” marvels Kojak, SCAD’s Director of Security.
She hit balls so far that we barely had time to get an advance team forward to set up parking cones for her golf cart,” marvels Kojak, SCAD’s Director of Security.
But with her usual modesty, Dear Leader put everyone at ease by pausing after her stunning shots to wait for Dear Tik to catch up and to chat with awed fellow golfers and her coterie.
From her porch in the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged all members of the SCAD community to take up golf. “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”
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