Spread across a portfolio of real estate investments in Savannah, Georgia and around the world, the not-for-profit art school Savannah College of Art and Design announced today the design of a 3,000 foot high granite sphere to house the future remains of its beloved leader. “As the Founder and Discover of SCADentology, Dear Leader is one of the greatest women of the last millennium,” observed Hyacinth Bucket, SCAD’s director of public relations. “It only makes sense that her archives and remains should be en-sphered for eternity.”
To be built in the center of Savannah’s Forsythe Park, the Cenotaph for Dear Leader will be one of the tallest and roundest structures in the world. Though unprecedented in cost and scale, such visionary plans are not unusual for SCAD—long recognized for its clever marketing, hip facilities, and the multi-million dollar salary of its president—whom staff and students affectionately (and under orders) refer to as “Dear Leader.”
Known for her modesty, Dear Leader commands a pedagogic empire that, if a country itself, would foster a GDP at #11 in the world. “And, we are going to spend just six months of profits to built a monument to our Dear Leader that will last forever,” SCAD’s new Dean of Building Arts Peter Humpnstump observed during the formal unveiling of the design. “She may be a small woman, but her legacy is great,” he added.
Some local historic preservationists objected to the erasure of the revered Forsythe Park by the construction of what one critic called “a giant cue ball.” SCAD’s powerful legal, security, and public relations teams quickly swung into action to restore town-grown harmony and overall fundraising. Opponents of the project did not respond to reporters’ phone calls. Nor, reportedly, have they been seen by their co-workers, friends and families for several weeks.
Dear Leader spoke to the ‘Disappearance’ issue from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”
All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.