SCAD’s “Little Black Dress” Takes New York by Storm

SCAD’s “Little Black Dress” Takes New York by Storm

As if this summer’s world-acclaimed opening “Little Black Dress” at SCAD’s Museum of Art weren’t enough, this synchopantic show is now basking in a command performance at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York!

Vogue Contributing Editor and friend of Dear Leader André Leon Talley curated the exhibit to include eighty variations of the evening wear standard defined by Coco Chanel in the 1920s, and made famous by Holly Golightly, the high-class prostitute in Capote’s ‘Breakfast at Tiffanys.’

Exhibited in a bold military line-up, all items in the New York venue will be for sale at undisclosed prices and to the right ‘Georgian Low Country’ people—many of whom appeared for the glamorous opening night.

Wearing a floor-length endangered snow leopard coat, curator Talley greeted guests as they arrived at the top of the Metropolitan’s famous steps. The biggest cheers went up when SCAD’s party arrived, fresh off their corporate jet ride from Savannah and a carefully staged roman chariot parade up Fifth Avenue.

Dear Tik, son and heir-apparent of Dear Leader, and fashion leader Marc Jacobs walked up the red carpeted steps in see-through upper body hugging pink t-shirt dresses by Comme des Garçons. Jacobs appeared both confident and solid in his man-dress, muscled arms, and tattoos. Tik, with his mother’s stubby legs, Rubenesque figure, and baby soft skin, greeted admirers before moving inside to luxuriate on a fainting couch in preparation for his photo shoot.

Not wanting to “steal the show” as she so often does by simply showing up, Dear Leader tried to be as humble as possible. She greeted her old friend Talley wearing the top half of a black man-dress, white boxers and, to complement her short little legs, high socks and the pilgrim-buckle shoes from Marc Jacobs’ personal collection.

Completing the first family entourage, first daughter Kim Jul Tik, Director of SCAD’s renowned Center for Equestrian Expenditure and a renowned equestrian herself, sported black full-leather English jumping regalia including an oversized ox-tail riding crop. To say the least, the flash bulbs were popping.

With ripped arms and stiletto heels, she cut a dominating figure as she entered the gallery, immediately out-manning Jacobs in his little black man-dress as the room’s Alpha Male. Locking horns, she quickly wrestled him to the floor, reversing the designer in a Granby roll, and pinning him with a side headlock in less than thirty seconds. Humiliated, Jacobs accepted his submissive role by kneeling and kissing Kim Jul’s ox-tail crop.

Clearly both amused and aroused by the struggle, curator Talley had to leave the room for an unannounced costume change. When he returned wearing a rare black feathered Valkyrie costume from an early Beyreuth production, Talley and Dear Leader ascended to the podium to thank the show’s lenders—Princess Gloria von Thurn und Taxis, Beatrice de Rothschild, Lisa Airan, Maureen Dowd, Whoopi Goldberg and Patricia Altschul—all of whom were granted honorary doctorates from SCAD and scheduled as future graduation speakers.

Maureen Dowd was also honored for her adulatory New York Times column about her friend Talley when the show opened last summer in Savannah.

Contrary to professional journalistic practice, she had somehow forgotten to disclose that she was one of the show’s lenders.

Dear Leader gets measured for her stubby black dress.

“It’s in the New York Times, so whatever she writes has to be true,” observed Hyacinth Bucket, SCAD’s Director of Public Relations, from her office in Savannah. “I would have loved to meet Ms. Dowd as I have long admired her couture collection,” Bucket added. “It’s just too bad that I wasn’t invited to come along with our great SCAD team for the opening.”

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to continue to acknowledge her coastal empire—low country fashion supremacy stating “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.