It has been a week of hushed prayer and desperate hope throughout Lai Wa Hall and the SCAD community as Dear Leader once again summoned her deepest powers to save the school—and her family.
As recently reported, the sudden dropping of Tik’s left testicle emboldened her only Son and Heir Apparent to broach “the Succession Issue”. It has long been known that Dear Tik will succeed Dear Leader as SCAD’s next Dear Leader, and we are blessed to have them both.
But, the unspoken question has always been when.
Yet, with the unexpected testicle-dropping, Dear Tik found himself with the balls to be a True Man and not just Mr. Bean.
Hormonally emboldened, he turned, vampire-like, into a “Tigger with a trigger finger”—an old term of endearment from his Mom. It is reported that this is when their titanic battle ensued in early January, necessitating the complete evacuation of Lai Wa Hall.
In the face of crisis, and seeking only what is best for SCAD, her children, and the children of the world, Dear Leader resolved to fast and pray in the highest revolving restaurant perched at the apex of North Korea’s Ryugyon Hotel.
As one of world’s most pointy buildings, the Ryugyon, with its three revolving restaurants (turning when electricity is available) is a true masterpiece in motion first envisioned thirty years ago by Dear Leader’s cousins, the Kim family, North Korea’s Dear Leaders of three generations. It is currently unfit for human habitation.
With a Succession Crisis at hand, Dear Leader knew that only such an inspired place, along with forecasts from her favored psychics, could bring forth a vision for the eventual transfer of SCAD’s ownership to her son, acolytes, relatives, and “special friend” Joan.
Her faith journey would be hard and deep. Yet, with the tangible success of Hong Kong, surging student applications college-wide, and top celebrities battling for open faculty positions, Dear Leader sensed the glimmer of hope as she entered her fifth day of prayer.
SCAD was ready for a campus in a Communist country. Tik was ready to take the helm there. And Pyongyang was just the place to do it. Indeed, with the pointy Ryugyon Hotel, the campus was already there even if it did require full reconstruction.
The great empty hotel was there…. and Hong Kong was there ….and neither campus would always be so empty. She would bring new life to both. She had given life before.
Standing upward from her zazen mat, Dear Leader gazed over the totalitarian city. She smiled at the beauty of the moment and her revelation. Her family’s two great empires could come together now to change the future… to build a new for-profit art school in a communist world… to find a job far away for Tik who would lead it.
And then, from within the frozen winter sky, the sun burst through after a long hiatus, bringing down a shaft of light to Dear Leader as she stood alone in the darkened restaurant. And with the power of SCADentology™ behind her and new hope for those she loved the most, she made yet another miracle occur.
The power grid came on not only for the Ryugyon Hotel but also for all of Pyongyang. The Ryugyon’s three rotating restaurants began to turn, grinding onward, just as Dear Leader has ground onward for so many decades in building SCAD. There in fleeting sunlight, mother and son were then reunited.
Tik, who had spent the week alone in one of the lower restaurants, crying and praying for maternal forgiveness, also stood up to see the sunbeam. As he rotated in the sky, he saw his mother waving down to him when their turning cafes aligned. She had a tear in her eye and he let out a little sob when she blew a kiss to him.
Tik knew then that this President, this healer, this mystic was not just his Dear Leader, she was also his Mom.
Unique and united, mother and son will return on the corporate jet to Savannah sometime this weekend pending State Department clearances.
From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to accept the falling of her “Dear Trigger Tik’s” new-found gumption stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”
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