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“We Don’t Do Number Two”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

DATE: April 24, 2013

CONTACT: Hyacinth Bucket at www.scadsecrets.com

SCAD to Launch “We Don’t Do Number Two” Campaign in Major Markets

LA WAI HALL:  At Dear Leader’s direction, SCAD will now pronounce itself the world’s leader in all art and design disciplines.

As the world’s top arts university, SCAD will launch a print campaign with testimonials from Dear Leader, Dear Tik her son, appointed heir and SCAD’s Vice President for Strategy and Innovation, along with other good-looking campus leaders.

As we know, Dear Leader is consistently first-in-class in everything she does—from Fashion leadership to global trend-setting and facial reconstruction.

She is now demanding the same of her colleagues. In a related mandate handed down from La Wai Hall, SCAD faculty are now expected to also be Number One. Like Dear Leader, they will “Not Do Number Two”. They will be First Class and World-Class in all of their respective disciplines and art forms.

An impossible demand for mere mortals not gifted as Dear Leader is in SCADentology ™ —the spiritual path to power and wealth that she discovered while on prayer retreat in France? Not with Dear Leader’s guidance and not at SCAD.

Stay tuned as SCAD rolls out its “We Don’t Do Number Two” media campaign in the coming weeks.

John Paul Rowan SCAD

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All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

SCAD to Dismisses Faculty in Effort to Create More ‘Whitespace’

Photo Credit: Sean Pavone (www.Shutterstock.com)

Designers use whitespace to create a feeling of sophistication and elegance for upscale brands. In an effort to capture the profits of an upscale brand, Dear Leader and her trusted advisor and confidant, the Mad Turk, have declared a ‘war against clutter’ on every SCAD campus—from the swamps of Savannah to the shores of Hong Kong. The first order of business will be to eliminate all unnecessary faculty and replace them with whitespace.

“Whitespace is a fundamental element of design for good reason” said the Mad Turk, “Used well it can transform a design and provide it with many benefits.”  SCAD has seen first hand the benefits of whitespace last year when it raised the student/professor ratio from 15:1 to 20:1.   In the interest of brevity, SCAD has rounded the student -to-professor ratio to 8:1 in their current marketing materials—”8:1 is just an easier ratio to typeset” said Miss Jane Hathaway, Director of SCAD Inc. marketing.

With an average class size of 20 students who meet twice a week for 2.5 hours, SCAD students are given at most a generous 15 minutes per week with their professors for the bargain basement  price of $3,000 a course.   “$150 for 15 minutes of one-on-one time with your professor is what makes our programs special” said Miss Hathaway, Director of marketing, “If one where to spend that kind of time with a NYC lawyer, one would expect to pay much more than that.”

Buoyed from their success in requiring faculty to teach four classes per quarter, SCAD administration realized how much more they can make by adding another course onto faculties schedule.  Rumor has it that the 2013-2014 faculty contracts are being revised to encourage even more white space. The proposed cornerstone of SCAD’s new Whitespace Initiative will be to raise the faculty course load to five courses per quarter from the current (and very cluttered) four courses per quarter.

“The content is the same on both designs,” said The Mad Turk noting the benefits of a slimmer faculty body, “Yet the two designs stand at opposite ends of the brand spectrum. Less whitespace = cheap; more whitespace = luxury.”  From what this reporter has heard, SCAD is hauling ass to be world class—can you say  the Tiffany & Co. of art schools?

Dear Leader spoke to the issue from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.