Today SCAD leadership made the bold and ‘out-of-the-box’ cost-cutting moves that it is known for.Under the marching orders of Dear Leader’s new Austerity Initiative, SCAD announced today that is will replace its security force with psychics.

Kojak, head of SCAD security, announced the bold initiative from his office atop the emerald city stating, “Today SCAD boldly moves into the 13th century—by introducing the element of magic into our comprehensive security and emergency preparedness program.” The plan, according to inside sources, relies on the psychics ability to ‘sense’ danger before it happens—allowing SCAD to proactively address any potential threat, both foreign and domestic to its bottom line.

Wall street analysts are impressed as demonstrated by the sudden rise in SCADINC’s stock prices. Psychics will cost SCAD between $5-$10 per ‘building reading,’  which is a huge cost savings for the

institution compared to hiring a full-time security guard  which would run the institution an estimated $250 a day. The use of  psychics also allows SCAD to avoid paying additional employee costs like healthcare and retirement benefits (at an estimated annual savings to the university of over $110,000).

The Mad Turk is credited with coming up with the new cost saving scheme. “The initial idea of using psychics came to me while watching the movie ‘The Men Who Stare at Goats,’” the Mad Turk told SCAD Secrets, “Like all my brilliant managerial decisions, I was inspired while watching television.”

The Mad Turk is making quite a name for himself on the SCAD campus as a decisive, bold leader who is not afraid to try new approaches in educational management. Insiders say that the secret to SCAD’s administrative prowess is the current administration’s utter lack of educational administrative degrees. “SCAD’s administration can make these bold moves,” says analyst Robert Reportio of the Carnegie Institute, “Because they are not burdened by years of higher education management experience, or by any higher education degrees in business or educational administration.”

The Mad Turk explained to SCAD Secrets where his decision-making expertise comes form saying, “It comes from my gut,” said the Mad Turk pointing to his belly, “my gut is my guide.”

The introduction of psychic security guards is just one of the Mad Turks many institutional improvements. Other security improvements include: (1) Replacing full-time security guards during school hours with ESL students at heavily trafficked building during school hours, and; (2) Doing away with any security from 7am-5pm in SCAD buildings located in ‘safe’ neighborhoods.

Total saving costs were not available at press time, but are estimated to save SCAD well over $58,000 per quarter.

Dear Leader is pleased by the new cost savings and security updates and addressed the media from her porch at the Landings stating: “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way

The MFA is the new MBA, or so says Fast Company, America’s best known and most respected higher education publication. SCAD’s crack team of business entrepreneurs is busily developing the next ‘MBA/MFA’ program exclusively for corporate executives. No word yet on its official name, but SCAD Secrets has heard from an unnamed source that it’s working name is ‘CRASS’ (Creative Resourceful Artistic Sensible Sagacity).

The SCAD CRASS MFA will take four days to complete and the course work will be designed with the busy corporate executive in mind. “There won’t be a lot of reading,” Said SCAD Institutional Quality Director, Sally Worth, “We find that reading just takes up too much time, so we will provide our executive students with audio summaries of all our material.”

Our Dear Leader is rumored to have taken the lead in the new program’s development by drawing on her extensive experience as a kindergarten teacher.

“Executives are a lot like 5 year olds,” says Ms. Marple, SCAD Director of New Opportunities and personal secretary to the Dear Leader, “So it makes sense that our Dear Leader should have her little fingers all over this project.”

When asked what distinguishes the SCAD MFA for executives from similar programs, Ms. Marple replied, “that’s simple: SCAD will provide individual attention in a positively oriented university environment… and we will provide them with lunch.”

The new degree program is slated to launch in Spring quarter of 2013. SCAD is keeping its initial enrollment numbers secret, as well as the names of the faculty who will be teaching in the program.

Professor Karl Komptant, SCAD design school’s elder statesmen appeared to be the most likely candidate to lead the new degree program. Professor Komptant  is well respect in his field, he has written numerous books on the topic, and he is a highly sought after speaker and expert in the field of ‘design thinking.’  However, in a shocking move, the Mad Turk nixed Professor Komtant’s roll in the program justifying his decision by stating: “Corporate executives don’t want to be taught creativity by an old guy, it’s… well, gross.”

Dear Leader held a press conference from her porch in the Landings and had this to say about the new Executive MFA program: “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

SCAD Secrets will continue to follow this story as further developments occur. We wish professor Komptant the best of luck.

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated