Happy Holidays Dear Leader!
SCAD staff fulfilled their yearly contractual obligation of praising all things SCAD with this wonderful christmas card to our Dear Leader.

We at SCAD Secrets were so touched that we had to add our tiny voice to the outpouring of love and admiration for our Dear Leader.

Our Heart-Felt Card

Oops! Dear Leader has pulled the original 10 minute video praising herself.. she is so very humble. We love you Dear Leader, for your humility.

The original Dear Leader Card

Happy Holidays from SCAD Secrets!

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to very merry Christmas by stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

If “The End” of integrity at SCAD is this much fun, then bring it on! Dear Leader is the host of the party that spirals into IRS chaos – quite literally – when the Internal Revenue Service comes to Savannah and swallows up a bunch of SCAD Administrators in a post apocalyptic audit!

The film opens with Dear Leader on the chopping block. The IRS is reviewing Dear Leader’s spa bill (that exceeded $278,000 in 2012). Chaos ensues as the SCAD administration shreds the evidence, tries to escape on the SCAD jet for an overnight shopping trip to NYC, and culminates with the Mad Turk’s money fight at the SCAD equestrian center.

A must see for the SCAD parents—who—after all, have been footing the bill for this ‘coastal empire’ low country debauchery all these years!

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

It has been a week of hushed prayer and desperate hope throughout Lai Wa Hall and the SCAD community as Dear Leader once again summoned her deepest powers to save the school—and her family.

As recently reported, the sudden dropping of Tik’s left testicle emboldened her only Son and Heir Apparent to broach “the Succession Issue”. It has long been known that Dear Tik will succeed Dear Leader as SCAD’s next Dear Leader, and we are blessed to have them both.

But, the unspoken question has always been when.

Yet, with the unexpected testicle-dropping, Dear Tik found himself with the balls to be a True Man and not just Mr. Bean.

Hormonally emboldened, he turned, vampire-like, into a “Tigger with a trigger finger”—an old term of endearment from his Mom. It is reported that this is when their titanic battle ensued in early January, necessitating the complete evacuation of Lai Wa Hall.

In the face of crisis, and seeking only what is best for SCAD, her children, and the children of the world, Dear Leader resolved to fast and pray in the highest revolving restaurant perched at the apex of North Korea’s Ryugyon Hotel.

As one of world’s most pointy buildings, the Ryugyon, with its three revolving restaurants (turning when electricity is available) is a true masterpiece in motion first envisioned thirty years ago by Dear Leader’s cousins, the Kim family, North Korea’s Dear Leaders of three generations. It is currently unfit for human habitation.

With a Succession Crisis at hand, Dear Leader knew that only such an inspired place, along with forecasts from her favored psychics, could bring forth a vision for the eventual transfer of SCAD’s ownership to her son, acolytes, relatives, and “special friend” Joan.

Her faith journey would be hard and deep. Yet, with the tangible success of Hong Kong, surging student applications college-wide, and top celebrities battling for open faculty positions, Dear Leader sensed the glimmer of hope as she entered her fifth day of prayer.

SCAD was ready for a campus in a Communist country. Tik was ready to take the helm there. And Pyongyang was just the place to do it. Indeed, with the pointy Ryugyon Hotel, the campus was already there even if it did require full reconstruction.

The great empty hotel was there…. and Hong Kong was there ….and neither campus would always be so empty. She would bring new life to both. She had given life before.

Standing upward from her zazen mat, Dear Leader gazed over the totalitarian city. She smiled at the beauty of the moment and her revelation. Her family’s two great empires could come together now to change the future… to build a new for-profit art school in a communist world… to find a job far away for Tik who would lead it.

And then, from within the frozen winter sky, the sun burst through after a long hiatus, bringing down a shaft of light to Dear Leader as she stood alone in the darkened restaurant. And with the power of SCADentology™ behind her and new hope for those she loved the most, she made yet another miracle occur.

The power grid came on not only for the Ryugyon Hotel but also for all of Pyongyang. The Ryugyon’s three rotating restaurants began to turn, grinding onward, just as Dear Leader has ground onward for so many decades in building SCAD. There in fleeting sunlight, mother and son were then reunited.

Tik, who had spent the week alone in one of the lower restaurants, crying and praying for maternal forgiveness, also stood up to see the sunbeam. As he rotated in the sky, he saw his mother waving down to him when their turning cafes aligned. She had a tear in her eye and he let out a little sob when she blew a kiss to him.

Tik knew then that this President, this healer, this mystic was not just his Dear Leader, she was also his Mom.

Unique and united, mother and son will return on the corporate jet to Savannah sometime this weekend pending State Department clearances.

For earlier reporting on the life and promise of J. P. Tik for his new leadership role in Pyongyang 

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to accept the falling of her “Dear Trigger Tik’s” new-found gumption stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

After his left testicle dropped last week, Dear Tik—son and heir-apparent of our Dear Leader—found the courage to confront his mother.

As with great families across the ages, the topic at hand was Dynastic Transition and at last, J.P. Dear Tik literally had the balls to broach it. Their argument, echoing throughout Lai Wa Hall, was an epic one suitable to the Titanic power of the Tiks.

—How long should Dear Leader stay in her Presidency of the great University and low-country empire that she built with the sweat of her brow?

—Is young Dear Tik, raised so courageously by his impoverished-artist-mother in the attic of a home at The Landings, ready to take them helm?

—Is “the school falling apart” under her guidance?

—And, what about the struggling Hong Kong campus?

Dear Leader responded that her son had always been a “Trigger Tigger”—a little kid who was impatient and jumped the gun. It was not his time.

These and other hot topics, such as SCAD’s continuing drop in applicants and the possibility of selling real estate, resounded through the halls as the dragons fought.

Horrified administrative staff wept and prayed that their two beloved Dearest Leaders—lightest of lights—could forge a way forward to save the school.

And yet why, with Dear Leader to guide us, should we ever be afraid? Infused with the powers of SCADentology™, the pathway to wealth and power that she discovered while on a prayer retreat in France, Dear Leader will guide her beloved students, her dear son Dear Tik, and her followers through SCAD’s eventual leadership transition.

With her Tomb, the Cenotaph for Dear Leader, now rising on Forsyth Park and with carefully-scripted promotion plans for acolytes Leon Talley, the Mad Turk, and members of the Fashion Department, the future is well in-hand.

And Dear Leader is moving forward to shape her legacy. After a prayerful weekend at her plastic surgery spa-retreat in Charleston, Dear Leader returned to campus refreshed and renewed with a plan at hand. She would fly on SCAD’s corporate jet to visit North Korea and her Dear Cousins, the Kim family who have now led that great country for three generations.

The recent passing of first cousin Kim-Jul, North Korea’s Dear Leader of many decades, was a great loss for our own Dear Leader whose steadfast courage carried her through a period of secret grief.

But now, with dynastic concerns of her own, Dear Leader has chosen to visit North Korea for a prayer retreat at the apex of its vacant Ryugyon Hotel, a landmark that has been under construction for 26 years and declared unfit for human habitation by the European Union.

Now 105 stories and esembling an angular mountain range, the Ryugyon is one of the sharpest-tipped buildings in the world just as Dear Leader’s spherical Cenotaph tomb is one of its roundest. Both remain incomplete.

But Dear Leader has vowed to stay and pray in the highest of the Ryugyon’s three revolving restaurants until a vision for Tik’s eventual date of Ascension is revealed to her. Until that time, we in the SCAD community bow quietly and pray that this revelation will happen soon.

SCAD Secrets will bring you continuing updates of Dear Leader’s revelations and her loving plans for Dear Tik

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to pray for patience for her “Dear Trigger Tik” stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

“People who dare to change the world are often subject to unfair attack” observes the celebrated TV host and guru Dr. Phil on a recent show.

“And I should know,” he adds. “It’s been happening to me for years and it’s been happening to my dear friend, Dear Leader. Perhaps it’s jealousy of our magnificent successes, perhaps its simple fear. But falsehoods happen.”

SCAD’s Dear Leader has generously worked with Dr. Phil to develop a series of lessons for all people who are victims of unfair accusations. As the Founder of SCADentology™, the transformative approach to life and wealth that she discovered many years ago while on a meditation retreat in France, Dear Leader has helped her friend Dr. Phil through the trials and tribulations of his own growing wealth and TV stardom.

“They’re on the phone practically every other day,” says the Mad Turk, SCAD’s Chief Financial Officer. “She has her staff tape Dr. Phil’s show every morning so that she can give him constructive criticism.”

Recently, with a rising tide of bizarre and unfounded SCAD “Secrets” appearing in the blogosphere, Dear Leader decided that it was time that she and Dr. Phil shared their wisdom for all.

False accusations and gossip by jealous friends, enemies, and mentally-disturbed former SCAD administrators can destroy lives, even if the accused is innocent.

Dr. Phil and Dear Leader offer the following advice to take your power back:

Life Law #1: When Your Power is Questioned:

Accept that there is no way you can erase what has happened. The situation is real. You need to get out of denial about that in order to deal with it in the here and now.

Watch your catastrophic language. If you keep screaming out in your office things like:

“This is “horrible! How are they getting this information? Where is the leak? and the classic, “Somebody is feeding them!”—you only add to your stress and empower your enemies.

Remember that you are truly Good. Only a Leader who is visibly angry and seems caught with her pants down is genuinely “weak”.  Perhaps your own situation isn’t as tragic as it seems. Change your internal dialogue.

Only after you have calmed down are you ready to take action.  Summon your lawyers to frighten, intimidate, and interrogate your staff. Hire consultants to interrogate former faculty and staff about those unfair leaks.  Get out your enemies list, that is what it is there for

Simple steps like this will make you will feel much better. But you have to own the situation. You can’t always control how you feel, especially when falsely attacked. But you can control your actions.

Life Law #2: You Create Your Own Experience

Look inward—the first person you’ve got to repair your reputation with is you. Are you a bad person? Are you a bad citizen? Do you hurt people? Do you commit crimes?

Of course not!

Stop feeling guilty and being angry with yourself. Own your behavior, forgive yourself and don’t continue to beat yourself up.  You are, after all the Leader, the one in charge. The world should be thankful to you, not the other way around.

Now it is time to focus on your inner circle. Start your interrogations with your family, close friends and neighbors. Make sure that they know who is in charge. When your inner circle knows who holds all the cards, they will go out into the world with your truth; and it will create a ripple effect of fear among the cattle.

Life Law #3: You Teach People How to Treat You

Dr. Phil and Dear Leader agree on this simple maxim:

If you walk into the world and you’re civil, modest and forward thinking—if you kind of don’t want to abuse your position and you are fair, then people will treat you that way.

You’ve got to decide, am I in charge or not? Have I owned my bad decision or the misguided anger that someone holds against me?  Once you can answer these questions, you’re ready to shout out: “I am not going to hang my head in shame!”

That’s the fundamental way for you to get through this. You have to be your own best friend; and you have to decide who you are at the core. Then you will teach people how to treat you.

Life Law #4: Petty Workplace Temper Tantrums Diminish your Allure

Don’t fall into the trap of acting out with non-directional frustration, of screaming, accusing, and threatening others when things seem to leak out from the office. It makes you look silly and petty. Who knows where the leaks are coming from?

Maybe people are just making them up, posting them on the Internet, and accidentally hitting the truth sometimes. Maybe, it’s all an illusion and you’re just over-wrought.

So calm down! Meditate. Hug your dog. Walk barefoot in the grass.

Leaks and tantrums and office stress and more tantrums can become a deadly cycle. Nip it in the bud!

Remember that the enemy isn’t your loved ones and devoted co-workers; it’s the outside world. So why put on a happy face for the public and a mean one for those you love the most?

From her porch at The Landings, Dear Leader expressed her favorite way to create her own experience and begin to forgive herself by stating: “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

In one of her most important initiatives since the founding of the Center for Equestrian Studies, SCAD’s Dear Leader announced to investors her plan to found a new storefront brand, SCADlite™  in outlet malls across the US and Canada. Standing at her side as she announced the new school from her porch at the Landings was the Sue Anne Nivens, one of SCAD’s renowned professors, who will serve as Dean of the new cut-rate school.

Nivens’ ascent to a star professorship in Culinary Arts at SCAD began in the 1970s with her daytime cooking show—“Cooking with Sue Anne”—at WJM-TV in Minneapolis. From there, she moved on to higher education as curriculum designer for culinary arts courses at the for-profit Art Institutes International, one of SCAD’s vastly inferior imitators.

In 1991, she came Savannah to serve as our Dear Leader’s personal chef and Director of Special Events Catering, SCAD’s second largest department by budget, after Administration. Under her catering leadership, Nivens quickly grew celebrated for her “Minnesota Hot Dishes in all Seasons.”

The Mad Turk, SCAD’s Chief Financial Officer happily recalls his first encounter with Nivens’ hot dish wonders at one of Dear Leader’s corporate sponsorship parties at her home in the Landings. “Here it was 98 degrees with a humidity level to match and Sue Anne delivers this crock pot buffet that just blew everyone away. Who knew that a tuna-smelt fish casserole could be so amazing in the summer?”

Dear Leader, who is a master chef herself in the culinary arts of her native central Georgia, was also suitably impressed. So impressed that she elevated Ms. Nivens to serve as the founding Dean for SCADlite. “We see her cable television products and e-learning roll-outs as the perfect model for what SCADlite can become,” Dear Leader said in her announcement.

“Sue Anne’s online cooking courses complement SCAD’s culture of popular outreach and even brings in Asians!” The Mad Turk adds. “At our Hong Kong campus, her online course, ‘Wontons for Westerners and WASPs,’ is winning over tens of thousands of new student-customers.”

The Mad Turk goes on to praise Ms. Nivens’ multi-cultural culinary range. “Her Turkish Delights and baklava amuses-bouches are a superb blending of the ancient tastes of my own country and Lutefisk. This is precisely the curricular model that we plan to achieve with SCADlite…”

Creative blendings of e-learning and pre-packaged curriculum are the core promise of the new school. “SCADlite: E-Learning off the Rack” will become the new brand-identifier—quite appropriate for the learning stores’ outlet mall settings.

SCAD’s leaders believe that opening storefronts in fast-growing outlet malls will bring the magic of SCAD and a glimmer of SCADentology™ to underserved but hopeful professionals who lack the $50,000 annual costs to attend SCAD’s couture brand, The Savannah College of Art and Design

“They still have a Dream though,” Dean Nivens observes. Asked if this expansion into the outlet store market might dilute SCAD’s core brand and potential re-sale value, Nivens momentarily lapses into her hilarious television bitchiness from her days at WJM-TV. “At SCAD, it’s never been about the marketing or the money! Oh no. It’s about the learning….” And then she adds, showing her true warmth and wit,”…and I guess you could also say that it’s also about the Lutefisk….”

From her porch in the Landings, Dear Leader urged all members of the SCAD community to promote SCADlite in any way they can. “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it is not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Spread across a portfolio of real estate investments in Savannah, Georgia and around the world, the not-for-profit art school Savannah College of Art and Design announced today the design of a 3,000 foot high granite sphere to house the future remains of its beloved leader. “As the Founder and Discover of SCADentology, Dear Leader is one of the greatest women of the last millennium,” observed Hyacinth Bucket, SCAD’s director of public relations. “It only makes sense that her archives and remains should be en-sphered for eternity.”

To be built in the center of Savannah’s Forsythe Park, the Cenotaph for Dear Leader will be one of the tallest and roundest structures in the world. Though unprecedented in cost and scale, such visionary plans are not unusual for SCAD—long recognized for its clever marketing, hip facilities, and the multi-million dollar salary of its president—whom staff and students affectionately (and under orders) refer to as “Dear Leader.”

Known for her modesty, Dear Leader commands a pedagogic empire that, if a country itself, would foster a GDP at #11 in the world. “And, we are going to spend just six months of profits to built a monument to our Dear Leader that will last forever,” SCAD’s new Dean of Building Arts Peter Humpnstump observed during the formal unveiling of the design. “She may be a small woman, but her legacy is great,” he added.

Some local historic preservationists objected to the erasure of the revered Forsythe Park by the construction of what one critic called “a giant cue ball.” SCAD’s powerful legal, security, and public relations teams quickly swung into action to restore town-grown harmony and overall fundraising. Opponents of the project did not respond to reporters’ phone calls. Nor, reportedly, have they been seen by their co-workers, friends and families for several weeks.

Dear Leader spoke to the ‘Disappearance’ issue from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

The Savannah Munchkins awoke this morning to a startling sight as fashion legend Leon Talley took to the skies in an effort to become Dear Leader’s new beard. At 6 am this morning Mr. Talley was seen skywriting “Surrender Dorothy” high above Magnolia House where Dear Leader and her special ‘friend’ have been holding out.

As all Savannah Munchkins know, our Dear Leader hand picks her beards, so Mr. Talley’s bold proactive move has shocked those close to the Dear Leader. “We couldn’t possibly comment,” said Hyacinth Bucket, Director of SCAD Public Relations, “Our Dear Leader will let us know what this means in due time.”

Dear Leader’s current beard, Glen Angora, was hand-picked by Dear Leader while he was a student at SCAD. Since then, Mr. Angora has enjoyed a comfortable reign alongside Dear Leader and is rumored to be the Dear Leader’s most trusted confidant. Persons within the Dear Leaders inner sanctum spoke to SCAD Secrets only after we guaranteed their anonymity saying that they doubt Mr. Talley’s actions will unseat Mr. Angora’s current position.

We will continue to follow this developing story.

Dear Leader was unavailable for comment on this story, but did address concerns regarding Mr. Angora’s role within SCAD from her porch at the Landings stating: “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way