Category Archives: Faculty Contracts

Faculty Contracts, Faculty Stories

Savannah Makes SCAD President’s Wig Style Mandatory

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It is now mandatory for faculty in Savannah to get the same haircut as the benevolent dictator and matronly president of Savannah College of Art and Design, Dear Leader.

Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD), the ‘secretive university’ impoverished faculty are sure to be flocking to the barbers Wednesday, as the SCAD-sanctioned guidelines were reportedly rolled out university-wide.

Savannah College of Art and Design clearly has its priorities right, dismissing accusations of crimes against faculty and monitored faculty free speech to instead focus on the introduction of the compulsory boxy, mushroom-esque hair do.

Previously, among SCAD’s many university-inflicted horrors, faculty were only allowed to choose from 18 styles for women and 10 for men.

SCAD’s university TV launched a campaign against long hair and jeans, called “Let us trim our hair and shed our jeans in accordance with the SCAD lifestyle” – see instructional dystopian nightmare video below.

[ct_video title=”SCAD instructional dystopian nightmare video” type=”youtube” id=”4c92fYmL0ro”] SCAD’s university TV launched a campaign against long hair and jeans, called “Let us trim our hair and shed our jeans in accordance with the SCAD lifestyle” [/ct_video]

Unsurprisingly, many have reservations about being indignantly forced into having a SCAD Universty controlled bouffant hairstyle.

“Our Leader’s wig is very particular, if you will,” one source told Radio Free Savannah.

“It doesn’t always go with everyone since everyone has different face and head shapes.”

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged the SCAD community to purchase an official SCAD wig stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

 

Faculty Contracts, In the news

Turn-in your professor: SCAD has an App for that!

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Savannah College of Art and Design’s new Dean of Academic Services—Christo “the Don” Conquistador—has great plans for his burgeoning department.

“We are busy implementing a real-time reporting app for students,” says the giddy Dean. “Starting in Spring quarter, it will be even easier for students to report professors they don’t like to the administration—SCAD will have an App for that!”

“We are calling our new program: the SCAD  College Reporting Annoying Professors App or  SCAD C.R.A.P. App.

SCAD CRAP App is a revolutionary quality control mechanism ensuring that SCAD students are all happy customers.

The SCAD CRAP App allows students to turn-in their professors to the administration in real-time.

Is your professor not giving you enough praise during critique? —Turn-Them-In!

Is your professor not entertaining enough to keep your attention? — Turn-Them-In!

Is your professor assigning an unreasonable amount of work (do you have to read or write something?) —Turn-Them-In!

Students are asked to visit the iTunes store and download the new SCAD CRAP APP today!

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged the SCAD community to support SCAD CRAP APPs by stating:“the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

 

 

Faculty Contracts

Cost-Cutting and Two-Quarter Contracts: Fall 2013 Faculty Contract Preview

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Dear Leader readies herself to unveil to 2013 Faculty Contract
Dear Leader readies herself unveil to 2013 Faculty Contract

Lai Wai Hall is busy putting the final touches onto next year’s faculty contracts.  Full-time faculty will be pleased to note that their adjunct colleagues are being phased out with a proposed $1,000 per class pay cut and the replacement of yearly contract terms with quarterly contract terms.  Students are expected to benefit most from this change and should expect to see an upwards rise in their average GPA, as student satisfaction will determine faculty’s chances of contract renewal.

Increased Class Sizes

Full-time Faculty will see a modest increase in class sizes from the current 15-20 to a mandatory 23-25 student cap for each class. Next year will see two-quarter contracts (instead of yearly contracts) with a review process after the second quarter.

SCAD faculty is some of the best and brightest in the industry— it would be selfish to deny students the opportunity to study under their tutelage.  Dear Leader has, in her infinite wisdom, decided to make SCAD faculty more available to students by raising the cap once again from 15 to 23.

Continuous Faculty Reviews

SCAD faculty are hungry for feedback on their classroom effectiveness.  Dear Leader and the Mad Turk are listening.  Contract renewals will be at the sole discretion of the Deans (and student reviews).  Full-time faculty are advised to keep their student satisfaction numbers up, the higher they are, the better chances one’s two-quarter contract will be renewed for two more quarters.

As a student-centric institution, faculty will be reminded every two quarters just how important handing out ‘A’s really is to their continued employment at SCAD.

In the future, as SCAD’s grade inflation and treatment of faculty become more widely known, re-accreditation will be assured.

Mandatory E-Learning Course Development Provision: (A SCAD Faculty resume builder)

Full-time faculty will now be required to write e-learning courses, when asked, as part of their ‘School Service’ requirement.  SCAD is attempting to limit the number of contracts it drafts each year. Eliminating the need to draft a separate contract for writing an online course (and to eliminate the paperwork needed to pay faculty for writing new courses) the Mad Turk has determined that SCAD will do away with course writing contracts and reimbursement for course authorship altogether.

On the upside, faculty will have an additional item to put on their resume in their search for more rewarding and profitable positions.

Five-Course Load

Still in consideration is the proposed five course-load per quarter. More on this as it develops.

Anti-Bullying Provision

Dear Leader is appalled by the ‘thuggery’ that is currently taking place online in the ‘ blog-that-shall-not-be-named’ critical of her leadership and the competency of her offspring.

Dear Leader has decided to draw a line in the sand— anyone who contributes to this vile blog, laughs at stories found within this blog, or considers starting a blog of their own will be summarily dismissed from SCAD.  To that end, a strict “anti-bullying of SCAD administrators” provision will be added to the new faculty contract.

“It is high time these ‘tattlers, and misanthropes are silenced!” said the Mad Turk from his office in an undisclosed location deep with the bowls of SCAD’s Savannah campus, “We must protect all members of the SCAD community from abuse, and that protection will start at the top.”

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to accept their new contractual terms stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

 

Faculty Contracts

SCAD Faculty Contracts to include auditing provision

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In addition to increasing the faculty course load from four courses per quarter to five courses per quarter, the 2013-2014 Faculty Contract will now require all faculty to participate in SCADentology Auditing Sessions. Auditing is described by SCAD Human Resources Auditor and ‘Pre-clear’ Madeline Jarndyce as “a process of freeing yourself from unwanted barriers that inhibit your natural abilities to provide service to the university.”

The auditing is hoped to identify and root out subversive people, or “SP’s” as they are called by practitioners of SCADentology, and to free the positive SCADians that live deep within each SCAD Faculty’s inner psyche.

Critics of SCAD’s auditing practice claim that it is nothing more than an authoritative hypnosis which industry insiders claim is dangerous.

Madeline Jarndyce dismisses such accusations as hyperbole, stating “We are helping our faculty by unburdening them of unnecessary blockages that may interfere with their ability to provide our students personalized and individualized attention in a supportive university environment.”

SCAD HR department issued a brief statement addressing privacy concerns raised by new faculty: “Let us be perfectly clear, we will hold everything confessed within the auditing session in the strictest of confidence so that faculty will feel free to be as open and honest as possible— for it is only then that the healing can begin.”

The SCAD Electropsychometer
The SCAD E-Meter measures the mental state of a person, helping the auditor locate areas of SCAD distress or travail so they can be addressed and handled in a session.

The new SCAD E-Meters will be designed by a collaborative course consisting of fibers, graphic design and service design students. Dear Leader will choose the final design which will be manufactured at the Gulfstream center over the winter break.

Dear Leader spoke about healing benefits of auditing from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Faculty Contracts

SCAD to Dismisses Faculty in Effort to Create More ‘Whitespace’

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Photo Credit: Sean Pavone (www.Shutterstock.com)

Designers use whitespace to create a feeling of sophistication and elegance for upscale brands. In an effort to capture the profits of an upscale brand, Dear Leader and her trusted advisor and confidant, the Mad Turk, have declared a ‘war against clutter’ on every SCAD campus—from the swamps of Savannah to the shores of Hong Kong. The first order of business will be to eliminate all unnecessary faculty and replace them with whitespace.

“Whitespace is a fundamental element of design for good reason” said the Mad Turk, “Used well it can transform a design and provide it with many benefits.”  SCAD has seen first hand the benefits of whitespace last year when it raised the student/professor ratio from 15:1 to 20:1.   In the interest of brevity, SCAD has rounded the student -to-professor ratio to 8:1 in their current marketing materials—”8:1 is just an easier ratio to typeset” said Miss Jane Hathaway, Director of SCAD Inc. marketing.

With an average class size of 20 students who meet twice a week for 2.5 hours, SCAD students are given at most a generous 15 minutes per week with their professors for the bargain basement  price of $3,000 a course.   “$150 for 15 minutes of one-on-one time with your professor is what makes our programs special” said Miss Hathaway, Director of marketing, “If one where to spend that kind of time with a NYC lawyer, one would expect to pay much more than that.”

Buoyed from their success in requiring faculty to teach four classes per quarter, SCAD administration realized how much more they can make by adding another course onto faculties schedule.  Rumor has it that the 2013-2014 faculty contracts are being revised to encourage even more white space. The proposed cornerstone of SCAD’s new Whitespace Initiative will be to raise the faculty course load to five courses per quarter from the current (and very cluttered) four courses per quarter.

“The content is the same on both designs,” said The Mad Turk noting the benefits of a slimmer faculty body, “Yet the two designs stand at opposite ends of the brand spectrum. Less whitespace = cheap; more whitespace = luxury.”  From what this reporter has heard, SCAD is hauling ass to be world class—can you say  the Tiffany & Co. of art schools?

Dear Leader spoke to the issue from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.