Who the hell is running SCAD Hong Kong and why are there (supposedly) naked photos of him posted on a well-trafficked online cruising sites?

If true… It must have been awkward the first few times an actual HK SCAD student showed up at his flat in the middle of the night? Very awkward indeed… but a convenient strategy for maintaining student retention numbers!

The rumors among HK SCAD students is that Old Boy hangs a bit to the left— that is a lie—we have always know him to be very centered— especially when he is rehearsing his poses in the mens room mirror.

Is it true that SCAD has a long and sorted history of ‘naughty naughty’ between students and administration? Please tell us that isn’t a ‘perk’ of the job!

(We at SCAD secrets do not believe a word of it)

More rumors are flying around about the former SCAD Dean of Building Arts… too many to verify… guess we will have to wait till the lawsuit so one can take advantage of the liberal discovery rules and the we will all get to the ‘bottom’ of it.

The Rumor so far: A certain SCAD Dean had a mutual “master slave’ relationship with a former SCAD student that turned into a “not-so-mutual master slave relationship” when the former SCAD student escaped the Dean’s “dungeon.”

Former SCAD student supposedly escaped to Dear Leader’s office with photographic evince of master/slave relationship… off-campus. For the protection of the student, SCAD security (allegedly) placed listening bugs under former student’s couch.

Whoa! Can it get any better?!?

This begs the question… Given our Master Dean’s extensive architectural knowledge, one wonders what historic style, if any, was employed in the design of his dungeon?

Guess we will have to wait till someone is sued so we can take advantage of the liberal discovery rules and get to the ‘bottom’ of it.

Dear Leader addressed concerns over bondage in building arts and naughty naughty in ol’Hong Kong from her porch at the Landings saying: “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Dean Vincent Victoria, leader of SCADs renowned School of Design and design award-winner, recently opened his new winter drag-queen act at Savannah’s Club One.

Known throughout the drag and fashion worlds as, “The Lady Victoria”, Dean Victoria cross-dresses as an international woman of leisure beloved for her soft voice and louche tastes in feathered fans and Asian outfits. Victoria’s winter-season debut was entirely sold-out with enthusiastic fans who basked in a female fusillade that blew the roof off Club One and awed younger drag queens. Dear Leader and her special friend “Joan” enjoyed the show and were in attendance in cognito as Bohemian milk maidens.

When asked about his true inspiration for The Lady Victoria, Dean Victoria waxes nostalgic about the creativity of SCAD, Savannah in general, and especially, that great celebrity, the Lady Chablis and her club:

“Club One’s unique drag-centered environment fosters innovation, intellectual wonder and critical problem-solving, motivating me to always challenge myself to do my best,” she observes, slipping back into character.

One of the keys to the Lady Victoria’s success is her sense of Dear Leader’s “soft spot for Asians.”  And thus, over her last three drag season shows, Victoria has developed a brilliant series of Mikado-inspired characters of jaw-dropping beauty.

Beyond her superb sense of Oriental subtleties, the Lady Victoria thrills devotees with lavish floral displays and surprise gifts. After her famous opening fan sequence, she always throws to the crowd handfuls of  “I love the Lady Dean Victoria!” stickers for admirers to wear both at the Club and around town.

For the winter show, Lady Victoria is honoring Singapore Airlines hostesses with her own blue sari and traditional Malaysian folk songs. In the spring, she will portray a sophisticated geisha. Her fall show is sure to become another blockbuster when, in recognition of SCAD’s cross-marketing with Disney, she will perform as Mulan.

Meanwhile, for this winter’s Singapore show, Victoria made the dramatic design choice not to shave off her prominent mustache and round cartouche. Instead, complementing her Singapore Air theme, she dyed her signature facial hair rouge.

Feminist scholars throughout SCAD and at rival art schools are bowled over by the political acuity Dean Lady Victoria’s art. Yet, in speaking with this reporter, she displays his/her characteristic modesty.

“Ah yes, my art form,” she says in a whispered voice, “it is all part of my personal growth-path to develop and nurture my feminine-side.”

In the fall semester, Dean Victoria will be co-teaching a graduate seminar with visiting star professor Camille Paglia entitled:

“Cross-Dressing, Vaginal-Empowerment, and Sustainable Fiber Design”

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to accept their feminine side stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Once upon a time, in a hot and humid low country far, far away, there was an art school’s student recruitment day. There was a single gay parent who was but a pauper and had no childcare on his rare day off. This special holiday in the distant land of SCADLandia was known as “Dear Leader Days”. But it was not a holiday for everyone.  The gay, single parent was new in town and he was expected to take part in the special pageants honoring the Great One on this day—even if no one told him.

Listen to my story, young readers. Hear my song of fate and danger. Let us enter ancient woods behind SCADLandia’s masters of truth and justice, our little Duchy’s life appointed Wizard supreme. They tell a fable that says much about what the fate that befell our unfortunate young parent and faculty member.

The Fable and the Cautionary Tale
A cat and a monkey were lying by a roaring fire. In the blazes lay a pile of chestnuts roasting. The monkey convinced the cat that if she would just swipe the fire the chestnuts would fall out of the fire and they both could enjoy them. The cat swiped the fire and the chestnuts fell out. Unfortunately the cat could not eat the chestnuts because her paws were scorched. However the monkey, unharmed, gathered up the nuts and ate them greedily, benefiting from the cat’s work and injuries.

Present Danger in SCADLandia
The email hit the young teacher’s inbox at seven pm on Friday night. Our hero did not see it. Our hero, a single father, is putting his child to bed. After completing twenty classroom hours, four office hours and three hours of university service for his new employer that week. Our hero was looking forward to two days to spend with his child bonding and settling into their new Savannah home. Story time, snuggle time, family time.

At 6:30 on the following Saturday morning our hero checked his email and discovered he was to report to Dear Leaders Days in 2 hours. He began to frantically call his supervisor, but to no avail. With childcare at this hour not an option, he dressed and fed his child and, with child in toe—attended SCUD days (albeit late). The child happily drew in the corner as our hero guided the streams of high schoolers and their parents through the liberal arts building.

After the passage of Dear Leader Days, our hero was reprimanded for ‘unprofessional conduct’ including but not limited to: bringing his child to Dear Leader Days, showing up late and not checking his email at 7 pm the night before Dear Leader Days (will those new faculty members ever learn?).

The monkey baits the cat.

Our hero bated the chestnuts out of the fire… and committed the cardinal sin of talking back to Dear Leader’s administration. Freeing the chestnuts….

Our hero was fired. Put on administrative leave without pay?

Our monkey (and the Mad Turk perhaps?) gathered the chestnuts and gorged himself.

Our hero, we hope, is busy negotiating a huge settlement from Dear Leader’s legal war chest—that is being rapidly depleted. Hush hush… we can’t let this one get out, others may learn that SCAD is vulnerable to lawsuits from faculty member who ‘claim’ to have been abused… so you didn’t hear anything from us. We find the whole rumor nonsense and without merit.

Lessons Generously Shared by a Gay Single Parent Herself, Dear Leader

Dear Leader has devoted an entire chapter on being a gay single parent in her upcoming book: Up from the Swamp! Clogging to greatness and the making of a world-class educator. In her chapter entitled: Youngish, Gay, Single and with Child, Dear Leader describes how she too struggled building an educational empire while raising two children alone.

Totally Alone. She describes how hard it was to send her children away to boarding school when they become too difficult to deal with. She speaks candidly about the emotional toll she took having to send her son to be raised by her prettier, smarter and much kinder sister when her own children became too inconvenient for her to deal with personally. Yet, with her great parenting, they are now great leaders themselves in horsemanship and hospitality.

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to honor their parental responsibilities by sending off their children to be raised by family members stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Each quarter, a division of SCAD Incorporated is chosen and mandated to praise our Dear Leader. SCAD Incorporated staff members must then compose a ‘Letter of Admiration’ to Dear Leader. This time-honored and much-anticipated event can be stressful to those staff members who are not comfortable with art of writing—and after all, who here at SCAD is comfortable with writing?

This quarter it is the staff of the May Mau Mau Gallery of Art (located on Habersham) who have been ordered to write dear Leader’s letters of praise. We here at SCAD Secrets have received many inquiries and desperate calls for help. Have no fear SCAD Inc. staff—We compiled a list of ‘helpful hints’ to make your letters of praise shine above the rest!

Inspiration:
Dear Leader is, of course, your inspiration. S/he is the reason you want, or even feel the need to write. Some people like to listen to romantic music (or any music that is otherwise meaningful to them in their relationship with dear Leader) before they write. It can also be helpful to look at a picture of Dear Leader while writing. … Think about Dear Leader— What are the things you love and admire about s/him? What was it that first captured you upon initially meeting? You can jot those things down before you start writing.

Share Your Heart:
Depending upon your personality, you may worry that whatever you write may be “too mushy.” Never! The essence of writing the best letters of admiration to Dear Leader is to capture, in as much detail as possible, exactly what you are feeling. A letter of admiration for our Dear Leader is supposed to be a passionate, sincere sharing of your deepest emotions of admiration and praise. If you are open about those passionate feelings, your letter will be truly effective, making Dear Leader feel special beyond compare. Sincerely share your heart—your devotion,and passion for our Dear Leader.

Time and Practice:
If writing, or sharing your emotions, doesn’t come naturally to you, it may take a lot of time to write a well-written letter of admiration. Initially, just getting in touch with your feelings may require a good deal of reflection—let alone the time needed to put those feelings to words. With just a little practice, though, you will be surprised at how naturally the words start to flow. That first letter is the main hurdle!

Writing Tools:
The essentials: “Pen & Paper”: Nice penmanship is essential to not distracting from the words and feelings you put so much thought and time into. If your writing isn’t attractive, it’s preferable to type your letter on a computer where you can choose from any number of font styles (including calligraphy—so sophisticated!) and colors! Even if you do have nice handwriting, give thought to the ink and stationery you use to make your letter as beautiful as possible.

Get Writing!
Ok, so you know what you need to do—share your heart. You may be hesitant, perhaps even scared at the thought; but take the plunge and do it! Put those feelings into words and give Dear Leader the gift that lasts forever—your admiration expressed in print. You can start with a kind note, and work up from there. Search your feelings and share them with Dear Leader.

From her porch at the Landings, she encouraged members of the SCAD community to continue to write letters of praise to those whom we admire:  “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Report of the Fall 2012 Faculty Pageant In Which Fashion, Fibers, photography and Equestrian Studies were Honored.

By Faculty Junior Reporter, Tina Tinyvoice (of Pooh Corner)

Fall quarter faculty meeting is a rare opportunity for the faculty and staff to demonstrate their respect and admiration for the school, its founders, and of course the people who make it all possible: student loan providers.

After a rousing introduction from the Mad Turk that touted the fantastic accomplishments of Photography, Fibers and Fashion- the backbone of a solid curriculum of a world renown ART college- we were also treated to the accolades of two other very important, integral elements of our beloved school: Mares and Fares.

Equestrian studies was lauded and applauded for their world record performance, for the fifth year is a row no less, too bad no one from that department chose to stand (or attend) the meeting to accept their warm and heartfelt cheers, or the random snickering when their academic equals—the real artists- realized they were being spurned.

Next to follow the adulation of the Mad Turk, et al. was the courageous chef du jour for SCAD eateries. The Mad Turk announced a tantalizing new menu of “sustainable” eatery, all this in front of a wonderful tableaux of red potatoes and parsley that brought back memories of the “all you can eat breakfast buffet” fashionable after a hard night of the after-hour party. Apparently the head chef was busy preparing all the good eats for the food vouchers that were promised to come.

Dear Leader’s address continued the affirmation of SCAD’s standing as a leader in Art and Design with heart warming reminiscence and homage of her mothers work and the sale of Dear Leader’s own beloved yellow Volkswagen beetle receiving equal billing as the seminal financial support for our little school in the swamp. As usual, the inspiring speech brought the faculty to their feet. It didn’t hurt that all the faculty was asked to stand either, why quibble over details? In further impress the adoring crowd was caught up in an eloquent countdown wherein as the years of service went up, the faculty was asked to sit.

This didn’t take as long as you might think. In the end, with a recognized service of 25 years, about a half-dozen brave and staid veterans remained… all in the front row. Proof that tenure isn’t necessary for employee retention.

Following Dear Leader was the new Chair of Advertising, an articulate fellow that with a self-proclaimed resume boasting a successful career in the profession practically groveled at the honor bestowed him on accepting his new position. Our new Advertising chair provided a brief glance at the strategic plan for SCAD2020: Quality, Community, Identity and Fortitude: (QUEEF)….. say it fast…is that plural for something? Nothing but sheer brilliance is on the horizon for 2020.

The next two speakers were pretty good – probably because they have little to do with the administration.

The Keynote address was inspiring. One distinct moment of pleasure was where the eloquence of defining the difficulty in getting to one building to another on our little diverse campus was quickly phrased as a “Personalizing Experience” the new vanguard of a performance economy. I always thought that what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas.

He probably won’t be asked back… should of asked Jonah anyway… what’s a little lying among friends.
Blissfully the two hours flew by and poor VPAS barely got to dismiss the crowd before half were already out the door.

Food vouchers for all! hurrah!

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

The quarterly faculty pageant is less than one week away and already the pageant goers are a-buzz by the front-runner, and favorite to take home the much coveted “Ultimate Grand Supreme” title… the SCAD FASHION department!

Clearly SCAD fashion has upped its game after a rather disappointing showing at the (oh-so-not-avant-guard enough for Dear Leader) fashion show last year. Lovely narratives of our student success stories in fashion will be shown to a wide-eyed, edge of the seat faculty: For example we will hear the story of  Amy Shlutschbut, color blind pattern specialist at Lilly Pulitzer, Mary Mccreedy, now the lead button faster at Tom Ford, and SCAD’s most recent graduate Samy Smitten, shoelace coordinator for the guy that knows someone who worked with Ralph Lauren.

The videos, speeches and accolades are sure to earn the fashion Department the fall quarters… Ultimate Grand Supreme title! See you all there!

Our theme this quarter is: “Building upwards with excellence!” (and porches)

Jebediah Lehrer expected to address faculty during the fall quarterly faculty conference. The faculty conference is a greatly antiquated event to which all faculty are required to attend each quarter. This fall the featured speaker—Jebediah Lehrer (brother of disgraced SCAD wonder-boy Jonah Lehrer) will discuss his idea for a book, “How to be more creative on demand.” The SCAD PR department will assist Mr. Lehrer in aligning the speech to SCAD values and expectations for the quarter.
The Lehrer brothers are a perennial favorite at SCAD. Unfortunately Mr. Jonah Lehrer, has recently had some trouble with facts. Due to his exposure in falsifying quotes for his last book, he will not be asked back to speak to SCAD’s faculty.
Readers will recall that Jonah Lehrer was instrumental in Dear Leader’s recent appearance in Wired magazine. “We had to have him speak four times before we had an opening into Wired magazine—fourth time’s a charm!” said Anna Karenina, former personal assistant to our Dear Leader.
Readers of Wired were delighted to read Dear Leader’s porch comments, as well as her recipe for low country gourmet yams.
With the guest faculty conference speaker announced early this year, the only other announcement we are anxiously awaiting is ‘who will be the 2013 commencement speaker?’ The Fashion department’s money is on Cher.

“Sleep is such a 20th century idea,” claims Jonathan Suckitup, Professor of Photography at the Savannah College of Art and Design. And, with a teaching load of seven courses at both the graduate and undergraduate levels, he should know.

“I used to think that I was just out of shape or iron deficient because I tended to get tired around Wednesday afternoon,” Suckitup recalls. “And true, I was teaching from noon to 10 PM every night, advising thesis projects, and sitting on several Committees for the Advancement of SCAD…but that’s no excuse.”

Professor Suckitup’s plucky attitude is increasingly necessary at this immense arts university spread over scores of tax-exempt commercial real estate holdings in Savannah. As a not-for-profit university, SCAD’s lean budget precludes the opportunity to offer faculty tenure or to allow them to unionize. With the occasional prospect of bankruptcy, the university must rely on multi-million dollar corporate donations, exorbitant tuition costs, and a sleep-deprived faculty just to pay the competitive salaries of its president, Dear Leader, her hand-picked cadre of administrators, and the flight crews of its corporate jet.

Fortunately, SCAD’s younger professors are discovering how self-tailored cocktails of amphetamines, when combined with gingko-rich energy drinks, can keep one awake for an entire week. “By being on-task 24/7, I have just about enough time to meet my teaching and committee requirements,” Suckitup says of his heightened efficiency.

SCAD’s newly-appointed Chief Financial Officer, The Mad Turk, is pleased with the progress that the faculty is making in adding to the bottom line. “The SCAD brand promise is all about the students,” he says. “We want to give them as much faculty face time as possible.” He explains further that even if  staying awake for weeks might pose long-term health effects for faculty, “we really have to live in the present…and 24/7 teaching is helping our students right now. It’s also a good strategy for faculty who hope to get their annual contracts renewed because, at SCAD, we believe in job security.”

Still, in this sultry, moss-draped city, there have been whispers of high-speed late night driving by adrenalized professors and the occasional crash up caused by educators falling asleep at the wheel. “Oh yes, don’t we have a dedicated faculty!” remarks Hyacinth Bucket, SCAD’s Director of Public Relations, when asked about the car wreck rumors. “They’re just top drawer…and they want to stay that way so they can stay at SCAD.”

Dear Leader spoke to the “sleep-deprivation” issue from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

SCAD Secrets has just learned that VP, Pauline Pocket-Rocket, has taken on a few more titles this week. Add to Vice President, (1) Dean of the School of Communicating and What-Not, (2) Chair of the Pretty Pictures and Type Department and… (just today!) (3) Chair of [withheld till confirmed] Department.

Word on the street is that the current Chair of [withheld till confirmed] resigned (we are told) in unconfirmed (protest?!). All this activity begs the question, has anyone called SACS? What exactly is SACS Accreditation’s policy on one person holding four high level administrative positions?

Sources close to our Dear Leader are confident that order will be restored by any means necessary and the university is not in danger of losing its accreditation.

From her porch at the Landings Dear Leader spoke to a growing group of frightened SCAD faculty members by reassuring them that “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way

In an effort to significantly increase enrollment in their graduate programs, SCAD announced today that it will replace faculty reviews of graduate applications with a room filled with an infinite number of monkeys.
“Mathematics is far more efficient and reliable than old fashion professional judgement” said Admissions Director, Dr. Septimus Pretorius, “We look forward to seeing our graduate numbers increase three-fold over the next two quarters, It’s an exciting time for admissions.”
The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.
Critics of the new graduate admissions process were busy revising their resumes and were not available for comment.

Dear Leader seemed pleased with the new graduate school admissions scheme commenting from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.