The home campus of the Savannah College of Art and Design is trying to get rid of our sculpture department and building, Boundary Hall. In an attempt to explain their decision, the administration quotes that it is “for a more efficient use of resources across our four campuses”. We need to let them know that this fine art department matters and this building is our home.

When asked why someone should pay $500 for a set of flannel sheets that could be purchased for $50, Ralph Lauren famously said “Because you want mine!”

At the luxury cost of $127,000, Dear Leader is confident that students will want SCAD’s newly minted fashion marketing MBA degree over the less expensive, and considerably more dowdy degree from the University of Delaware.

The new fashion marketing MBA program was initially the ‘brain child’ of our Dear Tik during his recent meditations in North Korea. Dear Leader, proud that her tiny apple did not fall far from the intellectual tree, quickly moved on the idea. SCAD’s crack-team of course developers slavishly copied the University of Delaware’s program, added some lipstick to it and attached a hefty $127,00 price tag to the degree—voila! —a degree you will want—for a price you cannot afford!

“We have been ordered to move forward and not to spare the horses!” said SCAD’s Dean of Fashion and local  Savannah BSDM celebrity, Terry ‘the top’ Tinkle.

The horses, it would appear, will be current SCAD fashion faculty who, in their next faculty contract, will soon discover that they will be required to write online courses as part of their school service requirement (in addition to their full-time teaching schedule).

With its exclusively priced tuition, ability to study online in one’s pajamas, and located in absolute seclusion from the world’s fashion industry—Dear Leader demonstrates her forward thinking and business acumen.

The unveiling of the new SCAD Fashion Marketing MBA program is planned for Winter 2014 Quarter. Lilly Pulitzer, Chik Fil-A and Think-Kink clothier will host the event. Details to be announced at the Spring Quarter Faculty Pageant.

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged students to dream big and apply for their SCAD-Brand MBA online stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Lower Expectations—the New High Road at SCAD

Driven in part by alarmingly low levels of applications for undergraduate and graduate programs, SCAD has announced a new China Initiative: Operation Let-Them-All-In!

Operation Let-Them-All-In! is the brainchild of SCAD’s VP of eLearning, Acting Dean of Communications and some say Chair of Graphic Design, Peter Printer.  Inspired by his own lower than acceptable academic career, peter Printer has decided that high academic standards and rigorous academic admission requirements are hurting SCAD’s bottom line.  He has decided that, in order to provide students with the simpleton experience h enjoyed as a ‘student’ at SCAD, every department should now review rejected applicants and “let them all in!”

Behind the scenes, the administration has been over-turning every rejection made by departments for the past two years.  No longer will access to a SCAD education be based on ability (in both English or Art).  No longer will potential customers be turned away because industry experts (SCAD educators) snobbishly refuse to admit these applicants with little to no promise in their areas of study.

The SCAD administration has freed all applicants *(dating back over 24 months) and has retroactively admitted over 95% of the rejected applications.

 We at SCAD Secrets strongly support the announcement of Operation Let-Them-All-In! for several reasons including: 

1) Someone has to pay for the program.  

How dare potential customers be turned away because they lack the basic skill sets to be successful in the program?  Who the heck to these elitist (and most likely disgruntled) former administrators and department chairs think will pay for the further expansion of the SCAD brand?  It won’t be those talented students on scholarship—that’s for sure!

2) SCAD’s brand is already diluted; a little more water won’t hurt.

Lets face it, SCAD’s brand is diluted each time they open another outlet mall SCADlite™ store or graduate an online student that can’t design her way out of an online paper bag.  And so what? Our administration, many of whom barely made it out of SCAD’s graduate programs with a C average did okay—just look at our Holden Utsack, VP of SCAD eLearning who never completed a thesis project while a SCAD graduate student and graduated with a C average.

If our own administration doesn’t need high standards of scholarship and talent, why should we demand our graduate students achieve such high standards?  There are plenty of administrative positions opening at SCAD every year, not to mention the over 30 faculty positions that have been open for over two years.  Fill-up those positions with under-performing SCAD graduates.

 3) An empty seat is a wasted seat.  

Every time a seat is left empty due to low admission numbers, an angel doesn’t get her wings. Can you live with that?  Dear Leader cannot, and to her credit, she has taken the bull by the horns and is doing something about it— because of Dear leader’s low admission standards, there are more angles in heaven, (low country heaven) who are enjoying the freedom of flight. We are ready to soar. Take that School of Visual Arts!

From her porch at the Landings, she encouraged members of the SCAD community to let them all in by stating that “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Honey We are Shrinking the Kids! SCAD takes bold move to increase class size.

In response to the need for more classroom space generated by rising student caps, SCAD has announced its involvement in a scientific research program which tackles the issue in a non-traditional way—by dramatically reducing the physical size of the student rather than attempting to extend the space.

“It was one of the “aha” moments that we teach about in our classrooms” said Ms. Maryanne Cameltoe, director of SCAD Institutional Effectiveness, “Dear leader has, over a healthful breakfast of Low Country shrimp and grits, made a wonderful discovery.  Her vision never ceases to amaze.”.

“It’s such a flexible 21^st century solution,’ enthused Iva Littlebottom, Chief Admissions Officer, about the inception of the Spatial and Human Resources Invested Miniaturization Platform, or SHRIMP for short.  The plan certainly turns the term ‘downsizing’, usually associated with the reduction of numbers, not matter, on its head; a point not lost on the diminutive Ms Littlebottom.  ‘It’s wonderfully contradictory’, she noted, ‘ by reducing the physicality of the student, we’re actually providing more space to facilitate their work, and there’s no limit on what the future holds; one existing classroom could potentially hold thousands of students, with ample space to accommodate work of all descriptions.’

Shrinking the physical size of the student, rather than increasing the size of the classroom will provide SCAD shareholders with vast profits usually invested in real estate, infrastructure and equipment.  The added benefit is in the potential for dramatic increases in future admissions intakes.  “Smaller students will translate beautifully into increased admissions.” Ms. Cameltoe squeaked “SCAD is on the cutting edge here in the low country, this plan is revolutionary.”

Ms Littlebottom admitted that the 1989 Hollywood comedy ‘Honey, I Shrunk The Kids’ provided inspiration for the initial SCAD briefing, but that other proposals were also considered.  ‘We did look at the architecture of livestock carrier ships for stowage capacity, but we felt that SHRIMP was a paradigm shift in tackling the problem.’

The proposed program, to be finalized for the 2014-2015 academic year, has reportedly incensed Faculty, who view the program as dangerous, with possible impending lawsuits directed at out of step Professors who(some fear will) accidentally crush their apprentices underfoot.

Such concerns were dismissed by Ms Littlebottom as overreaction; ‘It’s ridiculous, such a Yahoo response’, she said, making reference to the brutish race described in Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels.   ‘We have no intention of shrinking students to such proportions immediately.  We’d wait two quarters for everyone to acclimate to the program.  Of course the Faculty would have to initially make minor adjustments – the purchase of a magnifying glass would for instance – but we really anticipate no problems.’

Concerns about grading loads were also disregarded.  ‘I think that Faculty might be surprised to discover their loads were a great deal lighter,’ she said.  ‘They’d be able to grade at least 10 students at once.  The works will be small, and reassuringly, produced by small minds.  It’s a very efficient system on all sorts of levels; we’re definitely moving forward on this one.’

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it is not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

Dear Leader took time out of her busy schedule to congratulate and pose with the latest group of SCAD Student Ambassadors. Penny Flatbottom, Director of the SCAD Student Ambassador program in Savannah said “It is a rare honor for these students to be in such close proximity to Dear Leader, but this just shows how important we feel they are to raising our admissions numbers.”

Tina Smallvoice, a newly minted SCAD Student Ambassador was excited by the opportunities provide her as a SCAD Student Ambassador. “It will look really great on my resume” Smallvoice said, “this is just the kind of experience future employers are looking for.”

Resume building is not the only perk of being a SCAD Student Ambassador, “I am also an important and respected member of the admissions team,” Smallvoice added, “Its a huge responsibility.”

Dear Leader addressed the importance of the SCAD Student Ambassador program from her porch at the Landings stating: “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

In an effort to provide a more interesting and visually stimulating backdrop for weekend campus tours, Passme Spliff, Dean of the School of Fine Arts introduced SCAD’s new ‘Extended Classroom’ initiative—Friday-Sunday Extra help marathons. “Our campus tours are just not interesting when there are no classes going on over the weekends,” Dean Spliff said, “and honestly, twenty contact hours per week does not reflect going that ‘extra mile’ for our students.”

SCAD faculty in every school will now be expected to take turns holding ‘extra help’ sessions from Friday-Sundays. “We are a student centered institution,” explained Dean Spliff, “But we can’t be student centered without more students—staging a stimulating backdrop for campus tours is a key element in attracting more students.”

Dear Leader addressed the new ‘Extended Classroom’ Initiative from her porch at the Landings and had this to say about the new initiative: “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.