Tag Archives: SCAD Security

To Cut Costs: SCAD Replaces University Security with Work-Study Students

SCAD has made a bold cost-cutting move today by firing their team of professional security personnel and replacing them with work-study students.

The innovative plan, appropriately code-named “Students Actively Patrolling” or “SAPs” was the brainchild of Dear Tik’s office of Strategy and Innovation.

“It’s absolutely Innovative—and Strategic!” gushed the Mad Turk, “SCAD saves a bundle, and our students get real-world experience while still in school.

PLUS, and this point can’t be emphasized enough, it’s a great resume builder for our SAPs… er… students!”

SCAD Secrets was unable to contact any of the student SAPs currently on security duty for comment. However, we were told by the exiting security team that because of Savannah’s rising crime rate and SCAD’s conveniently placed buildings (scattered around the city in remote and dark locations), the new SAPs will have their hands full as they become the only barrier between students/faculty and the rest of Savannah.

Each SCAD SAP will receive a tasteful new black and yellow  uniform, to be designed by SCAD’s fashion department and unveiled early Spring quarter.  In addition to the nifty new uniforms, SAPs will also be issued:
1) Sturdy flashlights for patrolling behind buildings and for peering down dark alleys,

2) A thermos of coffee to keep the SAPs alert, and

3) A silver whistle, should the SAPs find themselves outnumbered by local ne’er-do-wells.

We wish SCAD’s SAPs luck as they, and they alone keep SCAD buildings, faculty and fellow students safe from the mean streets of Savannah.

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader gave words of encouragement to the new SCAD SAPs stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.