SCAD’s public relations machine was thrown into full gear Friday when a mystery blog critical of Dear Leader was discovered by staff members close to her holiness.

“This is an emergency—an all hands on deck emergency!” snapped Hyacinth Bucket, SCAD Director of Public Relations, “We must protect the SCAD Brand Promise at all costs! We must protect the SCAD Brand Promise at all costs! We must protect the SCAD Brand Promise at all costs!”

Fresh from a trip to visit her Chinese counterpart, Cliquey Karmickle, Director SCAD Networking Services, sprung into action by creating the Great SCAD Firewall which will ban all offending websites from being accessed by SCAD computers. When the Great SCAD Firewall is completed later this week—students, faculty and staff will no longer be able to access any offending blog from a SCAD network— users requests will be redirected to a site of haiku’s written about Dear Leader’s intellectual and business prowess.

SCAD Secrets attempted to contact owners of the offending blog, but as of Saturday night, they have not been seen by family and or loved ones and are presumed to be in hiding.

Dear Leader spoke to the importance of censoring blogs that contradict the ‘SCAD Brand Promise’ from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.