In an effort to significantly increase enrollment in their graduate programs, SCAD announced today that it will replace faculty reviews of graduate applications with a room filled with an infinite number of monkeys.
“Mathematics is far more efficient and reliable than old fashion professional judgement” said Admissions Director, Dr. Septimus Pretorius, “We look forward to seeing our graduate numbers increase three-fold over the next two quarters, It’s an exciting time for admissions.”
The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.
Critics of the new graduate admissions process were busy revising their resumes and were not available for comment.

Dear Leader seemed pleased with the new graduate school admissions scheme commenting from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

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