Our Dear Cousins honored for their achievements at the vacant Ryugyon Hotel

Succession Crisis: Dear Leader Flies to North Korea to Ponder Transition

Our Dear Cousins honored for their achievements at the vacant Ryugyon Hotel
Our Dear Cousins honored for their achievements at the vacant Ryugyon Hotel

After his left testicle dropped last week, Dear Tik—son and heir-apparent of our Dear Leader—found the courage to confront his mother.

As with great families across the ages, the topic at hand was Dynastic Transition and at last, J.P. Dear Tik literally had the balls to broach it. Their argument, echoing throughout Lai Wa Hall, was an epic one suitable to the Titanic power of the Tiks.

—How long should Dear Leader stay in her Presidency of the great University and low-country empire that she built with the sweat of her brow?

—Is young Dear Tik, raised so courageously by his impoverished-artist-mother in the attic of a home at The Landings, ready to take them helm?

—Is “the school falling apart” under her guidance?

—And, what about the struggling Hong Kong campus?

Dear Leader responded that her son had always been a “Trigger Tigger”—a little kid who was impatient and jumped the gun. It was not his time.

These and other hot topics, such as SCAD’s continuing drop in applicants and the possibility of selling real estate, resounded through the halls as the dragons fought.

Horrified administrative staff wept and prayed that their two beloved Dearest Leaders—lightest of lights—could forge a way forward to save the school.

And yet why, with Dear Leader to guide us, should we ever be afraid? Infused with the powers of SCADentology™, the pathway to wealth and power that she discovered while on a prayer retreat in France, Dear Leader will guide her beloved students, her dear son Dear Tik, and her followers through SCAD’s eventual leadership transition.

With her Tomb, the Cenotaph for Dear Leader, now rising on Forsyth Park and with carefully-scripted promotion plans for acolytes Leon Talley, the Mad Turk, and members of the Fashion Department, the future is well in-hand.

And Dear Leader is moving forward to shape her legacy. After a prayerful weekend at her plastic surgery spa-retreat in Charleston, Dear Leader returned to campus refreshed and renewed with a plan at hand. She would fly on SCAD’s corporate jet to visit North Korea and her Dear Cousins, the Kim family who have now led that great country for three generations.

The recent passing of first cousin Kim-Jul, North Korea’s Dear Leader of many decades, was a great loss for our own Dear Leader whose steadfast courage carried her through a period of secret grief.

Paula Wallace (SCAD) and Cousin in Happier TImes
Dear Leaders and cousins (both born in 1949) in happier times. SCAD’s Dear Leader has often said that she has a “soft spot for Asians.”

But now, with dynastic concerns of her own, Dear Leader has chosen to visit North Korea for a prayer retreat at the apex of its vacant Ryugyon Hotel, a landmark that has been under construction for 26 years and declared unfit for human habitation by the European Union.

Now 105 stories and esembling an angular mountain range, the Ryugyon is one of the sharpest-tipped buildings in the world just as Dear Leader’s spherical Cenotaph tomb is one of its roundest. Both remain incomplete.

But Dear Leader has vowed to stay and pray in the highest of the Ryugyon’s three revolving restaurants until a vision for Tik’s eventual date of Ascension is revealed to her. Until that time, we in the SCAD community bow quietly and pray that this revelation will happen soon.

SCAD Secrets will bring you continuing updates of Dear Leader’s revelations and her loving plans for Dear Tik

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to pray for patience for her “Dear Trigger Tik” stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

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