Paula Wallace SCAD

“We Don’t Do Number Two”


DATE: April 24, 2013

CONTACT: Hyacinth Bucket at

SCAD to Launch “We Don’t Do Number Two” Campaign in Major Markets

LA WAI HALL:  At Dear Leader’s direction, SCAD will now pronounce itself the world’s leader in all art and design disciplines.

As the world’s top arts university, SCAD will launch a print campaign with testimonials from Dear Leader, Dear Tik her son, appointed heir and SCAD’s Vice President for Strategy and Innovation, along with other good-looking campus leaders.

As we know, Dear Leader is consistently first-in-class in everything she does—from Fashion leadership to global trend-setting and facial reconstruction.

She is now demanding the same of her colleagues. In a related mandate handed down from La Wai Hall, SCAD faculty are now expected to also be Number One. Like Dear Leader, they will “Not Do Number Two”. They will be First Class and World-Class in all of their respective disciplines and art forms.

An impossible demand for mere mortals not gifted as Dear Leader is in SCADentology ™ —the spiritual path to power and wealth that she discovered while on prayer retreat in France? Not with Dear Leader’s guidance and not at SCAD.

Stay tuned as SCAD rolls out its “We Don’t Do Number Two” media campaign in the coming weeks.

John Paul Rowan SCAD


All stories on are parodies. All content on is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.