“[Paula Wallace] is an incredibly savvy businesswoman who’s incredibly greedy and self-serving…for someone to profit off these kids’ dreams, that’s really sad.” —Photographer and filmmaker David LaChapelle

SCAD to give LaChapelle another toilet award!

After Celebrity Recognizes Business Prowess of Paula Wallace

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, “David LaChapelle, a fine-art photographer and film director from Los Angeles, had never heard of SCAD before last spring.”

Now that he has won his SCAD étoile, an award used to lure aging fashion icons to SCAD on their way to Miami, he is furious that our Dear Leader used him to promote her bank account, and the laughable claim that SCAD runs a world-class fashion department.

But SCAD sees it differently:

“He did say that our Dear Leader was a savvy business women. For that reason alone, we should honor LaChapelle with this year’s ultra exclusive, SCAD e’Toilet award.” chirped Jesus Lagartija, SCAD’s lovable, plump, and simple-minded dean of the school of design.

The SCAD e’Toilet is awarded to those special celebrities who say “yes please!” before researching the organization that is giving them an award, an all-paid vacation to Savannah GA, and use of the SCAD private jet to visit Lacoste France.

The award itself is hand-crafted from Wallace family kidney stones, and filled with Dear Leader’s tears.

LaChapelle will be the 78th celebrity to be given this honor.

The SCAD e’Toilet also comes with a copy of Dear Leader’s book,The Despot and the Piggy-Bank, a bag of fried pickles, and a lifetime subscription to The Southern Porch.

LaChapelle will not speak at the awards ceremony, and will instead be treated to one of Dear Leader’s famous southern clog dancing performances.  This year’s clog dance is inspired by traditional lizard mating rituals, and will be performed on a mock-porch.

Dear Leader enthusiastically agreed to grant this years SCAD E’Toilet to David saying… “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a university of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.