SCAD Faculty Contracts to include auditing provision

In addition to increasing the faculty course load from four courses per quarter to five courses per quarter, the 2013-2014 Faculty Contract will now require all faculty to participate in SCADentology Auditing Sessions. Auditing is described by SCAD Human Resources Auditor and ‘Pre-clear’ Madeline Jarndyce as “a process of freeing yourself from unwanted barriers that inhibit your natural abilities to provide service to the university.”

The auditing is hoped to identify and root out subversive people, or “SP’s” as they are called by practitioners of SCADentology, and to free the positive SCADians that live deep within each SCAD Faculty’s inner psyche.

Critics of SCAD’s auditing practice claim that it is nothing more than an authoritative hypnosis which industry insiders claim is dangerous.

Madeline Jarndyce dismisses such accusations as hyperbole, stating “We are helping our faculty by unburdening them of unnecessary blockages that may interfere with their ability to provide our students personalized and individualized attention in a supportive university environment.”

SCAD HR department issued a brief statement addressing privacy concerns raised by new faculty: “Let us be perfectly clear, we will hold everything confessed within the auditing session in the strictest of confidence so that faculty will feel free to be as open and honest as possible— for it is only then that the healing can begin.”

The SCAD Electropsychometer
The SCAD E-Meter measures the mental state of a person, helping the auditor locate areas of SCAD distress or travail so they can be addressed and handled in a session.

The new SCAD E-Meters will be designed by a collaborative course consisting of fibers, graphic design and service design students. Dear Leader will choose the final design which will be manufactured at the Gulfstream center over the winter break.

Dear Leader spoke about healing benefits of auditing from her porch in the Landings, “The highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

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