The Face of Greatness: Dear Leader to Undergo Radical Reconstruction and Preservation

The face of a heroine…the face of a great university, both are revered and so important to protect over time. With her enduring love for SCAD, Dear Leader is sacrificing her winter break to perform an accurate architectural restoration of her face to the period of its historic significance: when she was 29 and the world brand of SCAD was but a dream.

This personally-financed facial “work” is symbolic of her plans to rehabilitate and renew SCAD Savannah’s deteriorating campus. From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader announced on Sunday that she will undergo a series of elective cosmetic surgeries, each of which symbolically represents a key feature of her new plans to preserve, rehabilitate and restore the historic buildings in SCAD Inc.’s tax exempt campus portfolio.

“We know that our thousands of corporate donors will take note of her sacrifice and give generously to our campus restoration ‘work’ fund,” said the Mad Turk— SCAD’s guru in all things financial.  Dear Leader will travel to Charleston South Carolina in a specially constructed rickshaw carried by members of the School of Communication Arts. Once there, she will eat a healthful dish of collard greens to promote healthy diets among the SCAD community. Then, her entourage will arrive at her Plastic Surgery hideaway Spa. Dear Leader will be accompanied by her “special friend” Joan as well as by Lincoln L. Logg, Chair of SCAD’s Historic Preservation department (to ensure a historically accurate restoration of Dear Leader to age 29).

Whilst in South Carolina, Dear Leader will undergo (1) A chemical Peel, (2) Nose reconstruction, and (3) Correction of the increasingly sagging left side of her face (an unintended outcome of earlier restoration efforts). Each of these procedures symbolically represents her plan for preserving and rehabilitating the SCAD brand.

We have asked Lincoln L. Logg, to explain to the SCAD community the symbolism contained within each of Dear Leader’s proposed procedures.

Chemical Peel:

During the 1970’s we used to sandblast old buildings.  We discovered that such a harsh treatment oftentimes damaged them, removing the outer masonry seal and leading to long-term decay.  Today we blast aging facades with water at 500 psi— it’s a minimally invasive procedure that retains the strength of the epidermis.  Dear Leader’s chemical peel, like blasting with water, is a minimally invasive approach that will provide her aging coat of skin with a fresh, vibrant, and renewed surface. In historic preservation terms, this tactic is technically a ‘restoration’.

Rebuilding Her Nose:

Over time, aging buildings begin to deteriorate structurally.  One does not want to add to this deterioration by introducing foreign building materials to the structure. One uses historically-accurate materials when reconstructing areas that have gone. well… a bit thin.  Dear leader’s nose is such a structure. It must be rebuilt with historically correct materials, hence the skin grafts. Like Colonial Williamsburg, this is, in preservation terms, a ‘reconstruction’ of a historic resource partially lost.

Propping up her sagging left side:

SCAD has been leaning a bit to the left over the past two years.  We need to prop it back up.  A left sagging face is not an attractive face as it tends to scare away corporate doners and small children.  SCAD desperately needs corporate donors (and small children) to fill its coffers.  Dear Leader is showing us how to prop up our left side by opting for a little ‘rehabilitation’ of the left side of her face. From a preservationist’s perspective, this approach means taking historic resources that no longer meet current needs and updating them for current uses while maintaining their basic integrity.

SCAD Secrets asks that the SCAD community remember Dear Leader in their prayers as she undergoes this elective cosmetic surgery for our benefit this Winter Quarter.  We know how difficult such elective cosmetic surgeries can be, and we wish her a speedy recovery, rehabilitation, and renewal.

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to renew themselves this winter break and reminded everyone that “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.