Once upon a time, in a hot and humid low country far, far away, there was an art school’s student recruitment day. There was a single gay parent who was but a pauper and had no childcare on his rare day off. This special holiday in the distant land of SCADLandia was known as “Dear Leader Days”. But it was not a holiday for everyone.  The gay, single parent was new in town and he was expected to take part in the special pageants honoring the Great One on this day—even if no one told him.

Listen to my story, young readers. Hear my song of fate and danger. Let us enter ancient woods behind SCADLandia’s masters of truth and justice, our little Duchy’s life appointed Wizard supreme. They tell a fable that says much about what the fate that befell our unfortunate young parent and faculty member.

The Fable and the Cautionary Tale
A cat and a monkey were lying by a roaring fire. In the blazes lay a pile of chestnuts roasting. The monkey convinced the cat that if she would just swipe the fire the chestnuts would fall out of the fire and they both could enjoy them. The cat swiped the fire and the chestnuts fell out. Unfortunately the cat could not eat the chestnuts because her paws were scorched. However the monkey, unharmed, gathered up the nuts and ate them greedily, benefiting from the cat’s work and injuries.

Present Danger in SCADLandia
The email hit the young teacher’s inbox at seven pm on Friday night. Our hero did not see it. Our hero, a single father, is putting his child to bed. After completing twenty classroom hours, four office hours and three hours of university service for his new employer that week. Our hero was looking forward to two days to spend with his child bonding and settling into their new Savannah home. Story time, snuggle time, family time.

At 6:30 on the following Saturday morning our hero checked his email and discovered he was to report to Dear Leaders Days in 2 hours. He began to frantically call his supervisor, but to no avail. With childcare at this hour not an option, he dressed and fed his child and, with child in toe—attended SCUD days (albeit late). The child happily drew in the corner as our hero guided the streams of high schoolers and their parents through the liberal arts building.

After the passage of Dear Leader Days, our hero was reprimanded for ‘unprofessional conduct’ including but not limited to: bringing his child to Dear Leader Days, showing up late and not checking his email at 7 pm the night before Dear Leader Days (will those new faculty members ever learn?).

The monkey baits the cat.

Our hero bated the chestnuts out of the fire… and committed the cardinal sin of talking back to Dear Leader’s administration. Freeing the chestnuts….

Our hero was fired. Put on administrative leave without pay?

Our monkey (and the Mad Turk perhaps?) gathered the chestnuts and gorged himself.

Our hero, we hope, is busy negotiating a huge settlement from Dear Leader’s legal war chest—that is being rapidly depleted. Hush hush… we can’t let this one get out, others may learn that SCAD is vulnerable to lawsuits from faculty member who ‘claim’ to have been abused… so you didn’t hear anything from us. We find the whole rumor nonsense and without merit.

Lessons Generously Shared by a Gay Single Parent Herself, Dear Leader

Dear Leader has devoted an entire chapter on being a gay single parent in her upcoming book: Up from the Swamp! Clogging to greatness and the making of a world-class educator. In her chapter entitled: Youngish, Gay, Single and with Child, Dear Leader describes how she too struggled building an educational empire while raising two children alone.

Totally Alone. She describes how hard it was to send her children away to boarding school when they become too difficult to deal with. She speaks candidly about the emotional toll she took having to send her son to be raised by her prettier, smarter and much kinder sister when her own children became too inconvenient for her to deal with personally. Yet, with her great parenting, they are now great leaders themselves in horsemanship and hospitality.

 

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged members of the SCAD community to honor their parental responsibilities by sending off their children to be raised by family members stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies.  All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within it are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.